


Someone loves you

by StardustRoad



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cadet in love with Levi, Drama & Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Love, Unrequited Love, falling in love with your superior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-01 10:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6513661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StardustRoad/pseuds/StardustRoad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi has had a very hard day, and he is displeased that it is far from over. He is just about to start with his paperwork when he spots something in the corner of his eye... Someone left a surprise for him in his office; what is it, and who could it be from?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The letter

Levi let out a deep, exasperated sigh as he walked through the dimly lit halls of the Survey corps head quarters.   
What. a. long. day.   
Jaeger had done his cleaning duties, (poorly he might add). Ackerman had scowled at him like she was plotting his murder. Brouse had stolen three sacks of potatoes from the kitchen (and eaten them all). Kirschtein had annoyed him with that shit eating horse face of his, and Hanji had been Hanji. All Levi wanted to do was sit in his office and have a nice cup of tea, but wait... That's right! ERWIN, had giving him a big ass pile of paperwork to do before sunrise, so Levi did not have time to go make tea. He didn't even have time for sleep! Seriously! That was a human need! How could Erwin not give him time for a human need!? He guessed he was kind of sleepy too. Every time Levi looked down at the heavy pile of papers in his arms, he grew more and more frustrated. He was in such a foul mood at the moment that no one even dared getting near him. Nothing was going to lighten his grumpiness. Not today. Not without tea, or prober cleaning, or maybe just some RECOGNITION !!! He angrily flung the door to his office open and slammed the paperwork on his desk. The door was slammed shut again, and locked; if anyone disturbed him tonight, they would not feel great for a few days later. Levi's desk was neatly organized so it wasn't hard for him to find a pencil and start the endless hours to come of boring paperwork. He placed the first paper in front of him, when he glimpsed something out of the corner of his eye. Right there, on his coffee table, stood a tray with a tea set on it. He lazily got up from his chair and walked over to the china that wasn't supposed to be there. Heat was slightly emanating from the pot, but he still touched it to be sure. Indeed, it was nice and warm.   
Someone had made him tea? Whoever it was had even given him his favorite tea cup. (Yes, Levi had a favorite tea cup!)Why?   
"Tch" He absentmindedly uttered by habit and decided to take advantage of the situation and drink every last drop of it. When he lifted the pot, however, he found an envelope under it. He poured himself the first cup of many, took the envelope, and sat back down behind his desk. He stared at the porcelain cup for quite a while, before finally deciding to take a small sip of the golden liquid.   
This...  
Tea...  
Was...  
AMAZING!!!   
This was just what he needed to clear his head. A nice, prober cup of tea. He took another sip before putting the cup down and look at the envelope.   
"Heichou..." It said on the front with cursive letters. Levi slowly opened it and pulled out the letter inside. It was not just a little note. It was a full letter. Taking another sip of his tea, Levi began reading it, his eyes slowly skimming through the pages, taking in every last word to make sure he read everything correctly.   
Dear Levi...  
I'm not quite sure how to do this, and I realize how violently inappropriate this is, but I need to get a few things off my chest...  
Last week, I was the one who locked squad leader Hanji in the supplies closet. You punished Eren and Jean for some reason, but I was the one to blame. She was bugging me with her endless blabbering while I was doing my chores, so I did what I thought was necessary to shut her up. I know all too well that you appreciate a cleaning job well done, and that's why I needed to concentrate on scrubbing the floors. If you were here right now, I know exactly what you would say: "That is NO excuse for disrespecting your squad leader, brat!" Hm... I'm sorry Levi. The reason Hanji never told you the truth is because she was covering for me. You see... She knows what I am about to tell you now...  
When you look at me, you always scowl or look otherwise bored or angry...  
You keep snarling at me whenever I do something wrong...  
And you always talk with a mixture of anger and annoyance in your voice, if you don't sound completely indifferent.   
Because you act like this, a lot of the cadets don't like you, and I know for a fact that everyone is slightly afraid or very nervous around you. Of course I'm no exception to the latter... I AM very nervous around you, but here's the thing... There's something else that I am... For a long time I haven't been able to understand what exactly that was, but, now I finally did. I AM slightly different from the others... And here is why:  
Because while others cower when you glare at them with those steel gray orbs of yours. My heart inexplicably skips a beat. I feel those damn annoying butterflies roam free in my entire body, reaching all the way to my fingertips.   
For some reason, being scolded for doing something wrong, doesn't seem so bad when you do it. Unlike many of the Scouts here, forgive me for saying so, you are not obnoxious...   
And lastly...   
Whenever you speak to me with that angry and annoyed voice, I can't help but shiver at how low, husky and... Sexy it is too.  
So here's my point, Levi...  
I don't know how, and I don't know why, but somehow, I have managed to fall  
Madly...  
Irreversibly...  
and completely...  
In love with you...  
Now I know that I am nothing, but a mere cadet, and chances are that you haven't even bothered to know my name. You are the superior, and I, the subordinate, and that is how it must be. I didn't write this letter in hopes of initiating some kind of ridiculous dream relationship with my superior as if this was some kind of stupid love novel for hormonal housewives. I am not in any way at all planning to win you heart.   
I just want you to know, that you are the reason I keep fighting...  
You are the person who's presence always puts a smile on my face...  
It is not an unknown fact that you keep yourself emotionally at a distance from everyone around you, and I get that considering what we do for a living.   
But in case you thought otherwise, I want you to know from the bottom of my heart...  
The next time you feel upset, and or lonely, I want you to remember this...   
No matter how grim the situation might be...  
No matter where you are...  
Always remember that someone loves you...  
Sincerely, your secret admirer...  
Oh, and, I knew you were going to be working late in to the night, so I thought that I'd make you some tea...  
Levi read the letter again... Then he read it again... And then again, and again until he had memorized every last word on the slightly vanilla scented pages. He didn't quite know what to think about this. He had never actually received a love letter before, and not at all from someone who confessed to being beneath him.   
"Someone loves you..." Levi whispered, the three words flying around his head. They had struck him hard, harder than he would ever care to admit. He knew that everyone respected him, but loved him? That was not a feeling anyone had felt towards him since... Since way before even Isabel and Farlan. It was a pleasant, yet disturbing thought that couldn't help but put a slight smile on his face. Levi read through the letter once again, before looking for the list of chores to see who in Hanji's squad had cleaning duty the day she was locked in the closet. Just as he had expected, her name was found immediately:  
(First) (Last).


	2. Hanji's squad

Three weeks after Levi received the letter:  
The Survey corps was on an expedition outside the walls which after hours of painful deaths, blood, sweat and tears shed in buckets, was finally coming to an end. Levi was sharing a horse with Eren Jaeger because his own idiotic one had decided to run away some time during battle.  
"Can your horse possibly go any slower, Jaeger!?" He complained crankily, shifting around in his seat behind the brunette boy. He was in a foul mood as he always was when an expedition was at an end. The amount of bloodshed he had seen today was enough to last a lifetime, and it wasn't even the worst expedition he had been on.   
"I- I'm terribly sorry, Captain!" Jaeger stuttered nervously. He was slightly shaking under Levi's scrutinizing stare, even though his back was turned away from him.   
"It- It's just that Jean Junior has had a very tough day, and having to carry two people is not easy when he's so fatigued..." The usually so obnoxious brat whined slightly, and his voice had adopted a mournful tone. Sometimes Levi forgot that this kid was new in the Survey corps, and was not used to the remarkably large amount of casualties. Could it be that perhaps, the kid was afraid? Despite his ability to turn into a Titan? Levi had never really considered the possibility.  
As soon as the rendezvous point got in sight, the horse slowed down, and the two soldiers demounted. The bodies of the fallen were already being loaded on to the designated carts, and idle chatter could be heard from various cadets around the camp. Between the pointless conversations were some that mattered though: the older cadets trying to cheer up the newer ones, the squad leaders looking over the battle plan, and Erwin trying to calm Hanji down.   
Wait...  
"Eren; go join up with the rest of the squad, I have business to attend to here ." He demanded and sent Eren on his way. Once he was out of hearing distance, Levi decided to listen in on Erwin and Hanji's conversation.   
"You can't possibly be serious!?" Hanji literally screamed at the Commander in a very angry tone. She was furious.   
"We can't risk the lives of any more soldiers, Hanji. I hope you realize this."  
"But ERWIN!!! We can't just leave them behind like that!!!" Erwin let out a deep sigh as he shot his gaze to the ground, not daring to look at the brunette woman as he said these next words. Levi just stood from a distance and observed the interaction between the two superiors, neither of them realizing or perhaps just not caring that they were being watched.   
"Hanji... I'm so... so sorry, but..." Erwin paused, an expression of anguish written on his features. Eyes gloomy and tormented, eyebrows furrowed, and lips tightened in a frown. He obviously didn't want these words to escape his lips, so Levi figured that this was bad... Really bad...  
"I'm afraid that we have to report them all missing in action. I...." He trailed off, and Hanji adopted a composure Levi had never before seen with the usually so eccentric scientist.   
All color drained from Hanji's face, leaving her pale as a ghost. Her lower lips started quivering in a mixture of sadness and anger as her head slowly started to shake deniably.   
"No..." She hoarsely whispered as she slowly backed further away from Erwin, one shaky step at a time. Her tear filled eyes were wide as saucers, and looked at the Commander with a cold stare that showed off a combination of sorrow, disbelief and pure anger.   
"How can you say that, Erwin? It's a whole squad..." Tears trickled down her pale cheeks, and landed on her dusty combat boots, leaving wet drops, clearly visible on the brown leather. Hanji very rarely cried, and even when she did, it was never like this. Erwin just stood there without saying anything, so Levi deemed this the perfect time to cut in.   
"A whole squad? Erwin, what is four-eyes rambling on about?" Erwin and Hanji both looked shocked when they saw Levi, and when he just kept staring at Erwin to get an answer, he was interrupted by Hanji's quivering voice, now coming from behind him.  
"I got separated from my squad." Her voice was quite pathetic, and frail. Levi turned around to see that she had taken off her glasses to wipe the tears away from her eyes with the back of her hand.   
"And none of them made their way back here?" He asked her, already knowing the answer.   
"Not a single one..." She shrieked.  
"It's all my fault! I'm their squad leader, and now they're out there somewhere, probably getting eaten!" It was not an unknown fact that Levi was really bad at comforting people in these situations (or any situations for that matter)so Hanji didn't seem to mind that he just stood there and shifted his gaze between her and Erwin, who's gaze was still fixated on the ground.  
"Let me guess... She wants to go look for them?" Erwin nodded.  
"Then why won't you let her?" Hanji froze between sobs. This situation was not much unlike the one he had been in with Farlan and Isabel a few years ago. He had been too late to save them, but he didn't see any reason why Hanji shouldn't get a chance to try and succeed where he failed.   
"It's too dangerous, and chances are that they are already dead" Erwin explained, causing Levi to get the mental image of Isabel's decapitated head and Farlan's half eaten body to appear in his head. He clenched his fists.   
"It is a whole squad, Erwin... We can't afford to lose that many men to a silly mistake." Hanji seemed surprised. Levi was actually taking her side in an argument against Erwin. This was new.   
"And we risk one of our best squad leaders if Hanji leaves to go on a wild goose chase. That's not-" He was cut off by Levi.  
"You don't get to decide if it's worth it..." He argued as monotone as ever.  
"That is Hanji's choice, and Hanji's alone. No one can make her decisions for her. In the end, you are always the person who gets to decide over you. And in the end, Hanji can do whatever she feels is the right thing to do, and there is nothing you can do to change her mind or undermine her choice. She obviously cares about her squad, and wants to do what she thinks is right. Sacrificing your own life to save the ones you are in command over. That's what a true leader should be like, in my opinion." Erwin smiled knowingly at what Levi had said, which pissed him off profoundly. The blonde man turned to Hanji to tell her something when he was interrupted by the sound of horses neighing in the distance. There they were... Hanji's squad... Hanji got up immediately and ran towards them as fast as her tired legs could carry her. Levi and Erwin just kind of stood still, rooted in place.   
"Well, will you look at that..." Erwin broke the silence with a smile. He had no idea why, but Levi got furiously annoyed at every little thing Erwin did today (And every day). He answered with a small scoff as he proceeded to watch Hanji's interaction with her squad. They were too far away for him to actually hear anything, but everything was better than having to deal with Erwin at the moment.   
"Levi" Erwin tried when he realized that he was being ignored by the shorter male. Levi just answered with another sound of dismissal.  
"Tch"   
Hanji was jumping up and down in excitement, bear hugging every single one of her soldiers with tears of joy streaming down her face like a waterfall. Levi had to admire her love for her squad, after what almost happened to Olou when they had found Ilse's diary, he wouldn't have guessed that she cared THAT much.   
"I know how you feel about casualties." Erwin said, though he probably felt like he was talking to deaf ears, which was partly true. Levi only paid slight attention to Erwin's words; he was far too occupied with watching the developments with Hanji's squad.   
"But you need to understand, that we have to make tough choices once in a while..."   
Hanji shot her head around frantically as if she was looking for something.   
"We are soldiers"   
When she couldn't find what she was looking for, she seemed to be asking her squad about it.   
"That's the difficult thing about the position you're in"   
Some of the soldiers in the squad bowed their heads in grief, some of them fell to their knees and broke out crying. One of them placed a hand on Hanji's shoulder, and seemed to be telling her something.   
"Every soldier here, made the choice of joining the Survey corps. They knew the risk of doing so..."   
Hanji broke out crying again. Erwin didn't seem to notice as he kept blabbering on about something about difficult choices.  
"I hope you understand that."   
Levi paid no attention to him at all; he hadn't really been listening anyway.   
"Yeah, yeah; whatever, eyebrows..." He brushed him off, and made his way over to Hanji.   
"Hey, four-eyes! What's going on?" He asked, perhaps a bit too harshly, he realized when Hanji started wailing even louder.   
"Hey! Your squad came back safely and alive, did they not? So why are you crying!?" Hanji started at his words, and suddenly tackled Levi with a bear hug. Every muscle in his body tensed up at the contact, he didn't push her away though. Hanji was crying heavily into his shoulder, which was fairly awkward.   
"L-Le- Lev-v-vi" Hanji sobbed, truly heartbroken. Levi had no idea how to react. He didn't have the heart to push her away, even though that was his first instinct. Neither did he have the social grace to wrap his arms around her in a reassuring hug. His arms just flailed awkwardly around in the air for a while before he finally decided to pat her gingerly on the head as the other hand settled very loosely on her back.   
"There, there?" He almost whispered in a questioning tone"   
'Am I doing this right?' He thought inwardly to himself.  
'Yeah, I think this is working... Kinda'   
'Oh shit! I'm getting tears, snot and mascara all over my uniform.'   
'No, Levi!' He scolded himself.  
'This is no time to focus on cleanliness! You can just wash it later!'  
'Yeah, I'll wash it later'   
'Why is everyone just standing there!?'  
'What's going on!?'  
"What's wrong, Hanji?" Levi asked carefully. Why did he have to be the one to deal with this? Damn him, and his observant eyes.  
"Your squad came back, didn't it?" He asked again, finally gaining a reaction from the brunette woman. She gradually slowed down her sobs before looking up at Levi with glassy eyes. Her glasses were foggy from her crying, and tears had painted a trail of mascara down her reddened cheeks.   
"Ye-Yeah... They did..." Her hazel eyes were once again filled to the brim with tears, threatening to spill.   
"Well... Almost all of them..." Hanji kept explained in a very grainy voice that could break every second.  
"Almost?"   
Hanji broke out crying once again, causing Levi's poor uniform to get smeared in with all sorts of body fluids.   
"Everyone but (Name)!" She wailed, tightening her grip on Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it Hange or Hanji ? I don't know ;P


	3. Beautiful cruel world

The sharp clinking of dull blades colliding with each other could be heard loud and clear in (Name)'s ears.   
"Dammit" She managed to utter through clenched teeth. Her vision was blurry and her abdomen hurt like hell. She scarcely managed to dig the dull blades deeper into the wood and crawl further up the tree. Of course she was too injured to use her vertical maneuvering gear properly, so she was forced to climb up the huge trunk, using only her arms.   
"If-ugh!" She interrupted herself with a groan of pain.  
"I... Make it-ugh!" She tried pulling the blade out and place it further up the trunk to climb higher up.  
"Back- Ugh... Alive... Ugh! I better get a day off." Her breathing was heavy and fatigued, and she felt like just giving up to fall to the ground, but two hungry Titans waited for her there, and (Name) had decided that if she was to die, she'd rather die on a branch than satisfy the sick lust of a Titan. As she clung to the tree, the severe wound in her abdomen got ripped further open, and blood splattered down the dark brown trunk, leaving a trail, the Titans seemed particularly interested in.   
"Gargh! SON OF A...!!!" She screamed at her highest lung capacity. The sharp pang of pain, that emitted around her stomach region, and spread out through her entire body in shots of electricity made her unable to do anything but scream for a good two minutes.   
"Come on, June. Get it together! You're almost there..." She encouraged herself as she tightened her grip around the handle of the maneuvering gear, and once again dug the dull blade into the hard wood. She carefully proceeded, climbing the tree, only getting further up by a few inches of the time. She could feel the muscles in her arms start to burn from her struggle, and her body slowly growing limb. Her legs felt numb, and her abdomen kept screaming with pain that was far too hellish to even describe properly. When the fatigued woman finally reached the target of her climb, she let out a sigh of relief. Getting to the thick branch, proved to be harder than she had expected, and caused her a lot of pain to pull off, but finally she was sitting on the big moss covered piece of wood that had managed to give her at least another day or two of life, before she would bleed out, or fall down into the open jaw of a Titan. She slumped down against the trunk, letting her hands feel the warm bark she was sitting on. She carefully ran her hands up and down the wood, feeling the mossy surface warm from bathing in the sun all day. This wasn't how she had wanted to die... Not in the slightest.   
She couldn't really say that she was horrified to go away... Who would ever miss her? Hanji, maybe, but she was the closest thing (Name) had to a family.   
Erwin...??? He had handpicked her for the Survey corps, but he had done so with so many soldiers, (Name) had lost count. He'd probably grief for a while and then forget all about her, like everyone did. Truth be told, (Name) had never really accomplished anything memorable at all. She was the invisible soldier without a face.   
Just sort of.... There.   
She always just blended in with the crowd, no one ever giving her any second thoughts.  
Invisible...  
Unimportant...   
Nothing special...  
Lonely...   
No...  
No one would remember her...  
She doubted that they had even noticed that she was missing...  
Who cared anyway? It's not like her life meant anything anyway.  
"You have the potential of being the person he needs" Hanji's voice rung through her head, replaying the memory that meant the world to her. The memory that made Hanji the person, (Name) cared for like a sister... The memory that really opened her eyes about herself, as well as her own feelings.   
(Name) would never forget the conversation she had with Hanji that day.   
How could she?  
It changed her life...  
***  
"(Name), may I ask you something rather important?" For some reason, the mess hall was empty, and those two were completely alone.   
"Hn?" (Name) was busy mopping the floor, which of course had higher priority than speaking with her own squad leader. Levi would most likely kill her, and place her severed head on a spear outside HQ as an example, if he found a single crumb or soup stain on the wooden planks. (Name) did not want to take any chances just because Hanji wanted to talk to her.   
"How come you're in love with the Corporal?"   
"Wha!" (Name) blushed, and jumped in shock; dropping the mop in the process. She turned to look at her superior, expecting the normal mischievous grin to be plastered on her face, but to (Name)'s big surprise, Hanji looked quite serious.   
"Hanji, I..." (Name) looked down at her feet. It was true... She didn't know why, but she had somehow managed to fall for Captain Levi. Hanji didn't really say anything, instead, she gave (Name) a look, telling her to go on.   
"I don't know. One day, I was just in love with him" (Name) admitted, bowing her head to hide her blush behind her hair. She knew that Hanji already knew about her feelings for the Captain, yet she had never confronted her about it before. Hanji nodded, indicating that she understood.   
"I see..."  
"Yeah..."   
An awkward silence filled the room for just a second.  
"Could you tell me why?" Hanji asked to (Name)'s disbelief.   
"Why?" Hanji nodded.   
Why did she love the Captain???  
Was it his good looks? No... That couldn't be it...   
His kindhearted soul? Definitely not..   
"Well... I guess it's not your average superficial reasons... Nor is it his tough exterior, or lame poop jokes." (Name) and Hanji both pulled a smile at that last comment.  
"I don't think what you see, is what you get... I know that he's mean, and I know that the insults he throws around most likely are genuine ones, but... I wonder... What is he really thinking about when he isn't being a total jackass? What is he like behind closed doors? For what I gather, he's a somewhat different person..."  
"He's probably been through a lot in his lifetime that made him the cold man he is today, but I want to know what... Sometimes I look at him, and I see glimpses of who he used to be... After a while, I started looking for them in everything he did, and before I knew it... I was in love..."  
"Honestly, I don't know what would happen if I got in a relationship with the Captain. All I know, is that I really want to get to know the real him... The man behind the facade. While I still love the man he seems to be; I still want to get to know the other side" (Name) rambled, not even sure about what she let out of her mouth. She had gotten stuck in her own little dream world, talking about the man she loved more than anything in the world.   
"Honestly... I don't want to date him, cause I know that's not ever going to happen. But he's a broken man, with absolutely no one to talk to about his feelings... And that's mostly because people don't think he has any... He pushes people away to spare his heart, but it must be tearing him down inside, knowing that no one truly loves him. It would just make me happy if he knew how I felt... I want him to know that someone out there actually loves him, but I'm too scared to confess to him." (Name) looked up from the spot on the ground she had been fixated on, during her entire speech, and saw to her surprise that tears were streaming down Hanji's cheeks.   
Hanji was crying???  
It couldn't be because of what she had said, could it?   
"(Name)... Don't you see?" Hanji sniffed.  
"You HAVE to confess these feelings to Levi!" (Name)'s eyes widened in shock.  
"What!? No way! I am SO unworthy of him, he'll probably just laugh in my face!" Tears started to form in (Names)'s own eyes.  
"He deserves much better than a lousy Cadet like me" Hanji shook her head in disagreement.  
"Listen (Name)... The reason I brought this up, is because I care about you, and I care about Levi...." Hanji stepped closer to (Name), and placed a hand on each of her shoulders.   
"And I happen to know something about Levi, that you don't..." (Name)'s gaze shot up at this, and she stared very intently at Hanji as she kept speaking.  
"Levi may not realize it yet, but he needs you."  
"Levi doesn't even know my name, if he even knows who I am..." (Name) was being as blunt as possible to shrug Hanji off, but those words really hurt to speak out loud. It felt like she was admitting a great defeat to herself. Why did she have to go and fall in love with someone who wasn't even aware that she existed? She might as well have fallen in love with some celebrity from the interior who thought that soldiers from the Survey corps were scum, and a waste of their precious time.   
"Okay, fine! To be quite frank with you, Levi probably don't need you..." It hurt even more so to hear those words come out of someone else's mouth. (Name) bowed her head in defeat.  
"See? I told you so."  
"But he does need your love!"   
"Wha-"  
"Like you said: Levi has no one. Not a single person loves him, so all he gets is anger and hate. He's been getting by like that just fine for years now because he's purposely pushing people away from him, but I'm afraid that someday, he'll reach his breaking point, and when he does, he needs to know that there's someone out there to break his fall... You have that potential (Name)... You have the potential of being the person he needs"   
***  
Of course at the time, (Name) hadn't really believed her, but she had agreed that she needed to let Levi know about her 'crush' on him. That's when she had crafted a love letter, not designed to win his heart, but merely to inform Levi that there was someone out there who loved him with all of their heart, and would keep loving him until their dying breath. Of course she had regretted everything just minutes after placing it. Scenarios of the Captain scoffing in disgust or even laughing after reading the letter had haunted her nightmares ever since, however different negative reactions he had to the letter in these nightmares, they all ended the same way. By the letter being thrown in the trash can, or the fireplace. In one of them, he had even used it to scoop up dog excrement from the floor, which didn't make sense. The Survey corps didn't have a dog...   
Eventually, (Name) had decided that it did not matter what Levi thought of her. As long as he knew how she felt.   
Besides... The letter had been anonymous, so it wasn't like he blamed her directly. Not that he could; he didn't even know her.   
Never paid attention to her...  
Never noticed her...  
Never even glanced her way...   
She had to admit that it hurt.   
Of course it did.  
But life hurt sometimes...  
Levi didn't even seem to realize that he meant everything to her.   
That she would be whoever he needed her to be.   
Say whatever he needed her to say.  
And do whatever he wanted her to do.   
A sharp pain panged in (Name)'s heart at the thought. It hurt to think about him. To think that she would never again be able to keep an eye on him. Never again was she to make sure that he was comfortable, or do over Eren's cleaning jobs to suit his standards.   
Never would Levi ever get to notice her...  
As her thoughts progressed, (Name) found them slowly drifting away from Levi, and over to her squad leader.   
Hanji... The crazy Titan loving scientist with a weird obsession for experiments.  
For some reason, she had chosen to care about (Name). Which surprised her a great deal, since she wasn't used to be treated like that; like she mattered. The reason behind that was another story entirely, and not at all what (Name) wanted to reminisce about in these last hours of life. It wasn't that hard to imagine what Hanji might think of her at this moment. She was probably furious with her for being too reckless.   
It was worth it though... Everyone made it back safely.  
Or so she hoped.   
(Name) slid down in her seat, until she was lying on the warm branch, staring up at the sky. The afternoon wind, rustled with the spring green leafs, as sunlight shone through them, creating an almost heavenly light around her. Her long (h/c) hair had rustled out of its braid in the heat of battle, and now just laid sprawled around her head, creating a beautiful contrast with the mossy green wood. Using the last of her power, she reached her hand up in the air, observing the deep contrast between the beautiful golden sun streams, shining through the leafs, to create a fluorescent green light, and the frail bloodied hand, carrying a weapon with a dull blade.   
"Am I going to die today?" She quietly asked herself, as she took in every ounce of contradictions in the scenery.   
"Is anything really certain in this beautiful cruel world, so dark and frightening?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! This chapter came out shitty!!! I'm sorry for that; my brain has just been fried these last couple of days, and I feel like it won't cooperate with me when I write. I hope you found some entertainment in it anyway...   
> I'd like to thank everyone who commented on the story! You have no idea how much that means to me! I love you guys! It's all thanks to your support that I'm actually able to continue posting chapters on a 'somewhat' regular basis :D You're the best!!!


	4. Armin's recollection: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I'm SO sorry for the late update!!! I've had a headache all week, and it affected my writing skills dramatically! On top of that, my brother came to visit in the weekend, and I didn't think it would be polite to just sit with my computer the whole time he was here. Anyway; my brother has gone home, but my headache is still refusing to take a hint, so I apologize for the quality of this chapter beforehand.-

Hanji's squad:  
Connie Springer.  
Jean Kirschtein.  
Sasha Braus.  
Armin Arlert.  
(Name) (Last)  
Levi sat calmly in his chair as he observed the scene in front of him...  
Erwin was pacing back and forth in front of the poor cadets, currently seated in a line. Every time the wind as much as moved the walls of the military tent, at least one of them would flinch. Hanji was still crying beside him, occasionally clinging to Levi like some kind of sick koala bear, which was enough for his temper to be at its limits. He furrowed his brows in annoyance as the big blonde man wouldn't stop pacing. Had he any idea how stressing that was!? Erwin finally came to a stop, towering over one of the cadets. A brunette girl with brown eyes. Levi knew her as the girl who would occasionally steal some of Eren's food when Hanji dragged him away for experiments in the middle of dinner; other than that, he did not know much about her. Levi very rarely took the time to get to know the cadets that he wasn't in his own squad. That would be a waste of his time; even though this girl was on the pantry's most wanted list.   
"Cadet Sasha Braus." Erwin said to the girl. Her whole body was shaking with dread; she did not look like she was feeling well.  
"Would you mind telling us what happened?" The brunette 'Sasha's' gaze flickered on Levi for a split second, before it turned to Hanji's swollen eyes. Suddenly overcome with fear, she clutched her arms over her stomach, and let out a scream of frustration. This caused Erwin to take a step back from her.  
"Ahhrrgg!!! I'm SORRY!!! (Name)! I'm SO SORRY!!!" Tears spilled from her eyes as she grabbed her hair tightly, and started pulling at it until the neat ponytail was nothing but a messy stack of hair. The boy beside her started to grit his teeth in frustration at the scene. His fists clenched the chair as he obviously tried to hold back the anger and fear, as well as his tears. He probably knew that if he broke down in front of his team mates, all hell would break lose. This led Levi to believe that this boy was the foundation of the four of them... The strong one that the others could rely on, when things went south. Levi shared this job with him; not that this kid knew how to control it properly yet. He was obviously at his breaking point, doing his best to try and hold in all of his feelings at once. The other kids were too preoccupied with their own grieving that they hadn't noticed this, but Erwin apparently had, and skipped him, deciding to ask the bald boy next to him. This boy too, was shaking like a wet Chihuahua, and his sentences just came out in incoherent words.   
"I-I-I (Name)- I-" It was almost pitiful to see so many men gathered in one place, crying. Unfortunately, it wasn't a rarity in this line of work.   
"I..."   
"Connie... Stop it... Stop crying! For goodness sake!" The two color haired boy choked through clenched teeth. His face was hot red with anger as he threw a fist after Connie. It hit him square in the jaw, and the crying boy fell out of the chair, and onto the ground. He had probably done this to keep himself from breaking down, though not everyone in the room understood this.   
"JEAN! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" Sasha screamed. She jumped off her chair, and ran to Connie's side.   
'Ah yes, that's right... Isn't this the boy, Eren calls "Horse face"?' Levi thought to himself.   
'Interesting..'  
"What do you think!? He was pissing me off!!!" Jean got up abruptly, throwing the chair back in the process. It hit the table behind them, creating a loud crashing sound. Interestingly enough, Erwin seemed to let the argument play out. That sadistic bastard was probably curious about what would happen next. Hanji, who was their squad leader, obviously didn't like what was going on, but was so choked up in tears, that uttering even the smallest word would be next to impossible. Levi saw this as an opportunity to weigh in, since no one else was going to stop this madness.   
"SIT. DOWN." He hissed, voice filled with annoyance. Of course, they all froze at the sound of his voice, and shuffled back to their seats.   
"Now... We won't get anywhere if you brats keep whimpering instead of telling us what. the. hell. happened." He stared them down, to no avail. Finally the blonde who had been silent through this whole thing, decided to speak. Armin Arlert if he wasn't mistaking.   
"Captain Levi is right... We need to tell him what happened, despite the guilt we may feel" His voice was shaky and weak, as if he had just screamed his head off, and now held back the urge to break down and cry hysterically.   
"Armin..." Hanji whispered hoarsely.   
"What happened?" The boy looked up at his squad leader with glassy baby blue eyes. They held an expression of sorrow, as well as guilt. He hesitated, and bowed his head. The golden locks covered his darkened expression as he spoke.  
"Well..."   
-Flashback from Armin's POV-  
Armin looked around in frustration.   
Panic...  
All around him panic, fear, and frustration was taking over. It surrounded him and his entire squad, like a thick fog, blinding their senses. Fear of death was evident as they were screaming at each other, trying to place the blame of the situation with anyone but themselves.   
"We're all going to die!!!" Sasha screamed at the ground, as she lost control of her shaking body. Connie was looking frantically around for Titans, while he screamed his head off at Jean, who eventually grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer, as he responded with insults.   
"Please stop..." Armin squeaked to no avail. His voice was too low for them to hear.   
Somehow they had managed to get separated from their squad leader; Hanji. They had searched for hours, and had only managed to get lost between the close trees of the forest. Armin couldn't deny that the situation was bad, but he knew that panicking would only make everything worse. The last thing they needed was to cloud their minds.   
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, HORSE FACE!?" Connie screamed at the top of his lungs. As the argument progressed, Armin grew more and more frustrated.   
"I SAID THAT I DON'T NEED TO TAKE ADVISE FROM SOME LOSER, WHO NEVER TAKES ANYTHING SERIOUSLY!!!"   
"AND THAT SHOULD COME FROM SOMEONE WHO'S MOTHER SLEPT WITH A HORSE!!!???" Connie retaliated.   
"YOU BASTARD!!! SAY THAT AGAIN; I DARE YOU!!!"   
"I SAID THAT YOU SHOULD QUIT THE MILITARY AND GO JOIN YOUR FAMILY IN THE STABLES, YOU DUMB PONY!!!"   
"YOU BALDHEADED MUTT!!!"   
"MULE!!!"  
"CHIHUAHUA!!!"   
"MY LITTLE PONY REJECT!!!"   
"I'M HUNGRY!!!!"  
"ALL OF YOU, STOP IT, RIGHT NOW!!!" A female voice from behind Armin pierced through the screams of the cadets. They all turned to look at the source of the voice. Standing on a thick branch just a little higher than the others stood the (h/c) haired woman they all knew so well. Her (e/c) eyes pierced through them, with a burning look of determination...   
(Name)...  
"We can't afford to lose our cool out here! It's one of the most important rules of the Scouting legion!" She jumped down to the branch her friends were standing on, so that she was at eye level with them, as she spoke.   
"I know that this is bad, but listen to me; Hanji has probably retreated to the rendezvous point by now, so all we need to do is find our horses, and get out of this forest! We can't do that if we are constantly at each other's throats! So pull. yourselves. together!" (Name) said sternly, gaining everyone's full attention. She let her words sink in as silence filled the forest. All that could be heard was the sounds of birds playing in the tree tops, and the wind playing with the leafs. It was Jean who finally broke the silence after a while.   
"And how do you suppose we do that?" He asked her cynically.   
"Willpower is great and all, but it won't change the fact that we're lost, and that our horses has run off to some place, we don't know... We might as well jump up on a silver plate, and serve ourselves to the Titans, because that is how screwed we are right now!"   
(Name) sighed at Jean's blunt honesty.   
"That may be, but you're forgetting about the individual skills we each have in this team" She turned to look directly at Jean, giving him an encouraging smile.   
"Take Sasha for example." She pointed at the girl, who was sucking on her hand, perhaps imagining that it was a piece of bread. Saliva trailed down her arms, and glistened in the sun.  
'Ew'   
"She grew up in a hunting village, which means, she is probably really good at finding her way around in a forest" She looked at the brunette again, off in some distant land inside her imagination.   
"It's not much to go on, but if anyone can get us back to our horses, it's Sasha. Right, Sasha?" The girl in question took the hand out of her mouth, and looked at (Name).  
"I don't know, (Name). It's worth a try" She nodded, a little hope, returning to her hazel orbs.   
"Alright!" (Name) pumped her fist enthusiastically.  
"So here's the plan! First we... Sasha, wipe that spit away from your arm, that's disgusting." They all turned to look at Sasha, grimacing at the sight of saliva dripping from her arm. She quickly wiped it away, all attention returning to (Name).   
"Great, thanks." She nodded in a approval, before smiling at her.   
"Sasha will try to track down our horses, using her hunter's instincts. That means that she is in the lead until we find the horses." Armin felt the need to interject here.  
"But (Name), if Sasha is tracking down our horses, she can't do it from up here." Armin blushed when everyone turned to look at him. He knew he was right. They would all have to go to the ground, where they would be in a pretty big disadvantage if any Titans suddenly showed up. (Name) nodded in agreement.  
"I know... That's why Connie is going to follow us from the trees, keeping an eye out for Titans coming from behind. Jean is going to do the same ahead." She said confidently.  
"I know it's risky, but we don't really have a choice right now. Armin, when we get to the horses, I have a compass in my saddlebag, do you think that if you had that, you could lead us to the rendezvous point?"   
"You have a compass!?" Jean asked in surprised anger.   
"Why the hell would you leave it in your bag, instead of having it on you!?" Jean was clearly agitated by (Name)'s stupidity.   
"I didn't think my horse would run away, Jean. I'm sorry" She very weakly defended herself.   
"Armin?"   
Armin furrowed his brows in concentration. They had ridden south from the wall, meaning that the rendezvous point would be north; it wouldn't be difficult to find the others if he had a compass in handy.   
"I can do it! If I have a compass, I can do it!" (Name) flashed him a mega watt smile.   
"Armin, you are amazing! You all are!" For the first time in several hours, the whole squad smiled. Although it was somewhat forced, a glimmer of hope had returned to them.   
"Then, what are we waiting for?" Connie asked halfheartedly, concern and dread clearly evident in his voice.   
"Let's do this.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really short, I know! I'm so sorry :'( I'll try and make the next chapter extra long, to make up for it! ;)


	5. Armin's recollection: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: FINALLY I update!! I don't know what went wrong there; sorry :( Part of it was that Armin's recollection was originally only gonna be two parts, but as I was writing this chapter, I realized that I had to make it in three parts if I wanted to update any time soon. So here you go guys ;)

"Sasha! Are we there yet?" Connie's discouraged voice could be heard from behind. His posture was that of a zombie, as he lazily swung between the thick branches, keeping a look out for Titans. Sasha shook her head vigorously.  
"I'm sorry, Connie, but I haven't even picked up the trail yet!" She squeaked, not taking her eyes off the ground.   
"Garrrghh!!! But I'm so EXHAUSTED!!!" Connie whined, stopping to check his gas level. He looked pleased with the result, and carried on, swinging after the team walking on the ground.   
It had been like this for a few hours now, and Sasha still hadn't been able to even find the horses' tracks. A lot of them were getting discouraged, their feet aching, faces dripping with sweat, and gas levels on their 3D maneuvering gear, running low. Armin could feel the hunger gnawing away on his insides, like a parasite, screaming at him to feed it. The exhaustion pulled at every muscle in his body, as if someone had beaten him until he was numb. He could only imagine how awful Connie and Jean felt, as they had been forced to use their 3DMG for most of the day. It took your whole body to use that gear; not just the legs. On top of that, it required constant quick strategic thinking to avoid bumping in to any obstacles in the users way. In that sense, the vertical maneuvering tore on a person's physical strength, as well as one's mental strength. This is why Armin let Connie complain, without snapping back at him. Not that Armin's personality would ever allow him to snap. He was far too shy, and kind to ever do something that unnecessarily cruel.   
Jean, however; didn't seem to share his opinion.  
"Would you stop complaining already!? Whining like a four year old, won't do anything, but piss the rest of us off!" Though Jean tried to sound energetic and hopeful of (Name)'s plan; his voice did sound strained and a great deal exhausted.   
"(Name)?" Armin leaned over to the (h/c) haired woman who was walking next to him, her steps never faltering, the same fire in her eyes as when they had begun. She turned to look at him, smiling like nothing was wrong.   
So this was what longer exposal to the Survey corps would do to you...  
(Name) was ten years older than him, so he assumed that she had been a scout for a great deal longer than any of the other cadets here. Rumor has it that she was handpicked by Commander Erwin Smith himself, but he had never really seen the two converse together for more than a few minutes at a time. And if she had this much tolerance to pain and exhaustion, Armin couldn't for the life of him figure out, why she had been put on a squad full of rookies. As it turned out, it had all been in great benefit to them, as they most likely would have just panicked, and run around the forest without a real plan, if she hadn't been there to take the lead. That, or Armin would have come up with a plan... Not that it would help them very much if it hadn't been for (Name)'s compass.   
"What is it Armin?"   
"Oh, uhm... I just thought, that maybe we should take a small break? Everyone are pretty tired from walking around the forest all day."   
(Name) simply nodded.   
"You're right, Armin... Let's take a five minute-"  
"TITAN UP AHEAD!" Jean yelled, interrupting (Name) and Armin's conversation. (Name)'s eyes widened slightly at Jean's words.   
"Sasha! Armin! Get out of reach in the trees, NOW!" She barked as she herself used her 3DMG to shoot herself up on a nearby branch. Armin and Sasha, obeyed immediately, getting out of reach, just as the Titan appeared from behind a tree.   
"5 meter class" Armin mumbled as he saw it. It was staring at Jean like he was the most beautiful piece of meat it had ever seen.   
"Jean!" (Name) shouted.  
"I'll distract it, while you get its neck!" Jean nodded in agreement, and swung up behind the creature, as (Name) shot herself up to its belly, where she made a deep cut with her blades. The Titan let out a roar of agony, when green slime from its stomach, sprayed out of the gash, fortunately no human remains to be seen. Jean took this opportunity to slice a piece of its neck off, causing the giant to jerk forward, and crash to the ground. They both landed swiftly on the ground beside it, and watched as it vaporized into steam.  
"Wow, Jean; that was amazing!" (Name) quickly complimented when he had gotten over his initial shock.   
"Yeah? You think so?" He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.   
"Yeah!" Sasha answered when she, and the others had caught up with them.   
"I've got to admit; that was pretty cool..." Connie nodded reluctantly in respect. (Name) just smiled thoughtfully while looking at the giant huff of steam, dancing in front of them.   
"We need to be more careful though... Our blades are going to dull before we make it back if we fight like that every time a Titan comes by" She padded Jean's shoulder in acknowledgement.   
"Though I have to admit that you know what you're doing, Horse-face" She winked.   
It was strange how (Name) had the ability to be completely serious one second, and then turn the mood around in the blink of an eye. Armin had to admire that about her. She knew how to get a point across, without ruining the mood.   
"(Name)?" Armin tried to gain her attention with a meek whisper, attempting not to be heard by the others. She seemed to get the hint as she slowly drifted away from them as the conversation turned in to Connie and Jean fighting, while Sasha seemed to return to her job of finding the trail. The blonde and the (h/c) then proceeded to move a little bit away from the others.   
Once they were out of hearing distance, they started conversing.  
"What is it, Armin?" (Name) whispered, looking at Armin with concern. He bit his lower lip and furrowed his brows, a habit he tended to turn to when he was thinking about something concerning, or otherwise frustrating.   
"It's just... We're all exhausted; even though the majority of us are trying to hide it..." He turned his head to look at Connie, who was an obvious exception to his statement.   
"Titans can attack at any given minute, and I'm pretty sure Connie and Jean's gas supply is running dangerously low.. They have an hour left, at best, before they run out" Armin started fidgeting with his hands as he told all of his concerns to (Name). He didn't dare look at her for a reaction, and just settled on staring intensely at the dusty ground they were both standing on.   
"We all need a long break, but we can't really afford to take one as long as we're lost like this. Another thing is, that if Jean or Connie run out of gas, we're all as good as dead."  
"Armin.." (Name)'s voice was strangely calm, considering the circumstances.   
"If Connie and Jean run out... We give them our gas tanks." Armin's head shot up at her words.  
"I know that this situation is unpleasant at best, but you need to remember that each and every one of us are survivors... That's what the whole Survey corps is made of really: survivors... If my plan backfires, we'll find another way to get back. The important thing is that we won't ever give up. " (Name) was dead serious, and her words were soothing in a way, Armin hadn't imagined. It wasn't just what she said, but how she said it. Full of determination, she looked at him with a rare fire in her eyes.  
"(Name)... How can you be so calm?" Armin asked, his eyes wide in disbelief.  
(Name) opened her mouth to answer, but the high-pitched voice of Sasha, interrupted her before a single sound could escape her lips.  
"I FOUND IT!!! GUYS! I FOUND THE TRAIL!!!!" The brunette jumped up and down, in some sort of weird dance, Armin had often seen girls do when they got excited.   
Jean and Connie, seemingly hadn't heard her, as they were still spurring insults at each other. Seems that Connie replaced Eren, when he wasn't around. Before the argument could get too far, Armin decided to stop it from escalating. He ran over to the two hostile idiots, grabbed each of them in the left ear, and pulled. They both fell on their knees from the pain.  
"OWWW, What the hell, Armin!?" They both yelled in unison, their previous anger towards each other, now directed at Armin. He swiftly let go of their ears, now glowing a rosy red from the pain he had inflicted on them. Armin himself, started blushing when he realized what he had done.   
"Sorry guys. It's just... Please listen to Sasha for a moment... I think she has something important to say"   
Connie and Jean took a glance at each other, both wearing a dumbfounded look, mixed with the slowly evaporating anger, still present from the previous fight. Both of their asses were still firmly planted on the dirt path, they had been standing on before Armin had pulled them both down by the ears.   
"What is it Armin? Can't you see that we're busy?" Connie deadpanned, unable to stay mad at the shy blonde for very long.   
"Didn't you just hear him, Idiot!? He told us that Sasha has something important to tell us!!!" Jean head butted Connie.  
"She probably found the horses' trail"   
"What!? No way! Really!?" Connie just ignored the pain, Jean had inflicted on him in order to praise Sasha's finding.  
"What do you think, dumbass?" They both got up from the ground, and dusted off the dirt from their uniforms, before making their way over to Sasha.   
Armin sighed in exhaustion. Having to deal with those two hotheads was so tiresome sometimes. He could usually handle himself pretty well, but after listening to their foolish banter for hours on end, combined with the energy draining task of dragging his feet along the rough terrain of the forest floor, he was completely done for in terms of patience. All he wanted to do at this point, was find a cold stream, and dunk his entire head in it, washing off all the sweat that had gathered in his scalp, and soaked up his golden locks for hours. That was one benefit of having short hair. It wasn't like wearing a hat in the blaring sun, with absolutely no way of taking it off.   
"Hey, Armin?" (Name)'s voice brought him out of his self pity. He turned his head to look at the woman beside him. (Name) had pretty long hair too... Actually far longer than his. So why didn't she look like a woman in pain? Sure, she was bathed in sweat, just like the rest of them; but the encouraging smile on her face was still as genuine as ever.   
"I know we talked about having a break, but if Sasha found the trail, I think it would be a good idea to find the horses first, and then have that break?" Armin felt a sting of disappointment at the thought of his well deserved break, being taken from him, but he could see the logic in what (Name) had said. The horses carried a sense of safety out here, beyond the wall. A safety, they couldn't have on foot. Furthermore; the saddlebags had water bottles in them, and right now, Armin's throat was as dry as the large areas of burning sand he had read about in his book. (Another way of saying 'dry as a desert')  
He simply nodded his head in agreement, uttering a small grunt to make her understand. This made her smile once again.  
"I'm glad you get it Armin! Believe me; I'm tired too!" She ruffled her hair, apparently not caring about her hand getting wet from his sweat.  
'Really? Because it doesn't look that way' He suppressed the urge to say, and settled on smiling himself. No matter how unpleasant the situation was, (Name) was always in a good mood; and that was pleasant. Maybe that was the entire reason, she did it... To lift the spirits of everyone else. The thought was disturbing, but also very interesting.. It opened up the possibility of a far more complex system within the military.   
Erwin...  
Pixis...  
Levi...  
Hanji...  
Mikasa...  
And (Name)...   
Those six might not have had much in common when you looked at them from a shallow perspective, but to the more keen eye; they all shared a common trait.   
They all seemingly only had one emotion...  
Erwin was strict and consequent all the time.   
Pixis was serious, if not a little bit eccentric all the time.  
Levi and Mikasa were both indifferent all the time.   
Hanji was eccentrically ecstatic all the time.  
And (Name)... Was happy. All. The. Time.   
Apart from that, they were also all the boulder. The person everyone relied on, when things went south. It was exactly because their emotions always stayed the same, that they were always reliable. Their one-sided emotions made them strong. Of course it had to drain them psychologically that they were never allowed to show any other emotion, but Armin figured that this was a choice they had made for humanity at some point in their lives. A small price to pay, for the sanity of everyone else in this crazy war.   
While he had been lost in thought, Armin had failed to notice that (Name) was no longer standing right beside him. She had joined the others around Sasha, laughing and smiling like their lives were no longer in danger.   
On the outside, nothing seemed to be wrong with (Name) at all, but Armin couldn't help but notice the trembling hand, she was trying to hide behind her back.   
Maybe it wasn't such a small price to pay after all...

Author's note: I wanted to end the chapter here, but since I've been such a lazy ass, and not updated for so long, I'm not ;P  
***Time skip, brought to you by your lazy ass of an author***  
Armin's legs were about to buckle under the weight of the rest of his body. He didn't even feel any pain anymore; just an annoying numbness, that made his body feel like a big lump of dead meat. His actions didn't even belong to him anymore... All of his limbs moved entirely on their own, as an automated machine set to autopilot. Sweat drenched his body, leaving his uniform wet and heavy while his hair let small droplets of the salty substance drip on his face, and trail down his skin. He kept hoping to see the horses just behind the next tree they were about to pass, but each time, he was left disappointed with a bitter taste in his mouth.   
Armin suddenly felt someone, sling his arm around their shoulder, distributing some of his weight away from him, and making it gradually easier to walk.   
"You okay there, Armin? You kinda look like a walking corpse." A female voice laughed, a little bit strained. It was (Name) again... Of course it was; who else was likely to still have energy after all they went through today?  
"(Name)..." Armin's voice came out strained, and meek. He wasn't likely to recover from this exhaustion in the past few minutes. Not without water, and something to eat.   
"Don't worry about it, Armin... We're probably there soon" (Name) comforted the boy.   
"I have a little bit of bread in my saddlebag  
"if you don't tell Sasha, it's yours"   
"(Name)..."   
.  
.  
.  
"Spike!" The voice of Connie was heard through the blurriness.  
"I missed ya, buddy!" He was answered by a happy neighing.   
Neighing...???   
What happened???   
Armin tried to open his eyes, but they were already open.  
Did he pass out???  
What happened.   
"Oh my gosh!!!" Sasha's voice squeaked.  
"Get some water in the coconut, before he checks out!!!"   
Armin felt something cold and wet against his lips.   
"Here you go Armin" (Name) said.  
"Drink up"   
A heavenly, divine liquid, tasting better than the finest lemonade from the most exclusive parts of the interior was poured into his mouth with care. As the liquid made him regain some of his energy, he lapped up every single drop as if his life depended on it, which at that point, he wasn't very far off. Slowly, the white clouds, blurring his sight evaporated, and he saw and angel with a water bottle. Only the angel had dark brown hair, brown eyes, and wore a Survey corps uniform. He snatched the bottle from Sasha, murmuring a thank you, before he downed the whole thing.   
"Whoa! You had us scared there, Armin!" Sasha laughed, drinking the rest of her own water. She looked exhausted, herself.  
They all did...  
Even Jean and Connie weren't at each other's throats.   
"I passed out?"  
"Well... Yeah; kinda..." Sasha answered awkwardly.  
"But it's okay, though!" She flailed her hands to brush off his embarrassed blush.  
"Your body was still moving, so (Name) just held you up, to keep you from collapsing." The brunette explained with a smile on her face. That definitely didn't make it any less embarrassing. If anything; it made it much worse. Armin discreetly turned his attention to (Name), observing her as she talked to her horse.   
"Hey Ariel. Did you miss me?" She whispered soothingly to the light brown steed. The horse replied to her calming voice by nuzzling its muzzle into her gentle touch.   
"I know.. I know.. I'm hungry too.." She chuckled softly, digging her hands into the saddlebag. A moment later, she pulled out a small white cube, almost sparkling like a crystal when it hit the sunlight.  
"Do you want a sugar cube, girl?" She led the sugary snack up to the horse's muzzle, who accepted it with a soft and happy neigh.   
Suddenly, Sasha was gone from her seat beside Armin, and planted firmly next to (Name).  
"Is that sugar cubes?" Sasha asked with big round eyes, big enough to be considered abnormal. She didn't even wait for (Name) to answer, before she spoke again.  
"Can I have one? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with your sugar cubes (since I don't have any, at the moment) on top!?" She pleaded with the most shiny puppy dog eyes Armin had ever seen. All of Sasha's annoying pleading, only seemed to amuse (Name), as she decided to have a little fun with it.   
"Well, I don't know, Sasha..." She started, rolling her eyes.  
"You'll have to ask Ariel, since it's her sugar cubes; not mine"   
To Armin's big surprise; Sasha actually began begging the horse for the treats.   
"Please Ariel? Pleaseeee??? Just one? Just one little bite??? Please Ariel?? Pretty please???"   
Armin deadpanned at the sight.   
"Well, this is pathetic." He stated to himself.   
Ariel neighed in content, when Sasha started scratching it behind the ears like some kind of dog, which seemed to be proof enough for (Name).   
"Alright Sasha, here you go." Is what she intended to say. However, she only got to 'Alright Sasha, he' before Sasha tackled her, and stuffed (Name)'s entire hand into her mouth. Saliva trailed down (Name)'s arm, as Sasha made sure to get all of the sugar from the (h/c) haired woman.  
"Eww Sasha! Stop that!!!" (Name) shrieked, jumping back in grossed out surprise. Sasha just licked her lips in content, and flashed her a smile.   
"Thanks, (Name)! You're awesome!!!" (Name) shivered and pulled a frown.  
"Yeah... Sure..." She desperately tried to wipe off all the spit on Connie, who oddly just stood there and took it.  
"That has got to be one of the most disgusting things you've ever done, Potato girl" Jean scoffed, grimacing at the memory of Sasha, licking (Name)'s hand. Sasha just shrugged it off, and laughed, which made Connie stiffen just slightly.   
"Uhm, Sasha? I have some sugar cubes to if you wa..." Connie stuttered, with a blush on his face. Just as before, Sasha pulled the same stunt again. It was quite disgusting to look at a grown woman, acting like a dog while licking Connie's hand, but Armin couldn't quite pry his eyes away from the commotion either.   
"Thanks Connie!!! You're the man!" The boy just blushed in reply, pulling out another sugar cube and feeding it to his horse this time.   
"The big 'strong' man?" Sasha tried, earning another sugar cube from Connie's hand as a reward.   
This went on for a while... Sasha complimenting Connie to get more sugary treats, and Connie complying while blushing madly at Sasha's every word. Armin didn't even take notice of it anymore, and just focused on the route to the rendezvous point instead. This place was entirely unfamiliar, though it would be great to have a look at that compass (Name) had been talking about. He tried drawing a rough map of the area in the dirt, though that didn't help him very much. Eventually, he just sat and pushed the dirt around with the stick, occasionally drawing small patterns like circles, triangles and smiley faces,; not that he was very happy at the moment.  
"Psst! Armin!" Jean whispered beside him. He looked up to see the man with the multicolored hair, looking at him with annoyance.   
"Can you walk?" He asked, his voice laced with the thinnest, almost undetectable concern. Armin tried to move his legs, clearly feeling every muscle burning with the worst kind of pain.   
"Yeah... It hurts really badly, but yeah..." He got up from the ground with help from Jean. It was clumsy, and Jean had to stabilize his balance, but he could eventually stand, all on his own.  
"Come on..."  
"Where are we going?" Armin asked, as Jean dragged him away from Sasha and Connie.   
"(Name) wants to speak with us" Jean yawned, clearly not taking any of this very seriously.  
"About what?"   
"Have no idea, but she seemed kind of serious"   
If (Name) was starting to take things so seriously that she felt forced to drag Armin and Jean away from the others, something had to be terribly wrong.   
Just as he had suspected, the usually calming and happy expression had been replaced with a serious frown upon their arrival.   
"Alright (Name), I brought Armin, just as you asked me to... What is it?" Jean asked, taking things a little bit more seriously.   
Only now, did Armin notice the item (Name) was clutching in her right hand. She tossed it over to Armin with a gentle throw, he was sure to catch. When he looked down at his palm, he saw the compass she had mentioned earlier.   
"Armin... I need you to lead the others safely home from here on." She said, making the blonde boy look up at her. She wore an emotionless expression, one Armin had only seen a few times before; and never on (Name).   
Armin was confused.   
Hadn't that been the plan all along?   
What was he missing?  
"What I mean is: if anything happens to me, you're in charge." She clarified.   
"And if anything happens to me, you'll make sure that they forget about me and get home safely, okay?" (Name) turned, and looked at Jean.   
"Okay?"   
Jean's face distorted into something quite similar to the face Eren pulled off whenever he got pissed off beyond belief.   
"(NAME)!!! Don't even say things like that!!!" He screamed at her, towering over her as he balled his fists in frustration.   
"Nothing is going to happen to you! NOTHING!!!" Armin nodded in agreement.  
"You can't sell yourself short like that (Name)... We believe in you." He smiled as he approached her to pad her on her back. Regardless; (Name) didn't seem soothed.   
"It doesn't matter... You still have to promise me" She shook her head vigorously.   
"Have you completely lost your mind!?" Jean yelled in exasperation.   
"PROMISE ME!!!" She retaliated, her voice full of frustration, and her body language showing off all kinds of desperation.  
What was she hiding?  
Did she know something they didn't?   
The sheer desperation in her face was truly scary.. Her eyebrows were furrowed, her eyes wide and glossy with tears, and her cheeks burning in a flaming red shade.   
"I know, this sounds sudden, but... " She trailed off, ever so slightly out of breath from her argument with Jean.  
"But these things happen, and they happen a lot! It's not really something we can do much about... Only prepare for it." She let out a deep sigh, and her gaze dropped to the ground. They held a knowing pain to them that only grew in the glossy shine.   
"You have no idea how many times I've seen my friends get killed because no one prepared for the worst case scenario. How many times, I've been unexpectedly attacked by Titans, even though it seemed like I had the upper hand... Hanji has lost so many friends, team mates, family and even lovers. I don't want you to be added to that list. So I'm begging you! If worst comes to worse; please just leave me behind, and do everything you can to protect the others." (Name)'s voice was grainy and she was shaking with a nervousness that was very unlike her. Apart from that, she spoke as if she already knew she wasn't going to make it.   
Her behavior put Armin at unease... Could it really be true that leaving someone behind was the only option they had? Why did every scenario in his head end up with someone dying??? In the end, (Name) was right... There was just no way everyone would make it out alive if they were ambushed by any more Titans. So basically, what (Name) was saying was that when that Titan would attack, she wanted to act as a decoy of some sort. What she wanted Jean and Armin to do, was make sure that they'd be willing to leave her behind. That in itself was a pretty terrifying thought; one Armin didn't really like in particular. It wasn't really something he'd normally choose to do, but that was just it, wasn't it? Did they even have a choice? What had made (Name) make the choice of being the one to do this? Had it been all of these murders she had witnessed? Was it her experience as a Scout? Or was it simply because she was the oldest? No matter the reason; (Name) had been appointed the temporary leader of this squad, so her word had to be upheld. Jean seemed to get that, as he bent his head down in defeat.  
"Okay.." He sighed bitterly, as if the words utterly disgusted him.  
"I promise..." He looked up to her with tired eyes.  
"You're not going to die... but I promise.."   
A soft, but sad smiled formed on (Name)'s face, she looked at him knowingly and then turned to Armin with an expectant look in her eyes.   
"Yeah... I promise too..." He nodded with an almost mute whisper. Hoarse and quiet, but (Name) heard.   
"Just promise us one thing." He continued when she opened her mouth to thank them.  
"At least try to survive, okay?"   
(Name)'s eyes went wide. A soft smile strained to gain access on her lips, but it was clearly forced.   
"You guys are amazing, did you know that?" She laughed through an almost choked sob.   
"I'll do my best to make it out in one piece" She finally smiled genuinely, and let her eyes sparkle with determination. Armin smiled back, but Jean still just looked pissed off.   
"Whatever... I'm gonna go make sure, potato girl and potato head aren't getting in to any trouble." Jean said in strained indifference. He was clearly pissed at (Name) for suggesting that she would get hurt on this mission. He turned around on his heel and left the still choked up woman, Armin however, stayed rooted in place. He was intuitive enough to know that there was something (Name) wasn't telling them. Once Jean was out of sight; he chose to ask her about it.   
"(Name)... What's going on?" He gently grabbed her wrist to keep her in place.   
"If you're not going to tell the others, at least tell me. I promise, I will keep it to myself"   
(Name)'s head dropped.   
"Armin" she whispered hoarsely, all positive emotion completely drained from her voice.   
"Look around you... What do you see?" Armin made a quick glance around, tilting his head in confusion.  
"Trees?"   
"Look closely"   
Armin looked around again; making sure to take in everything surrounding the two. Suddenly, his eyes caught glimpse of something, and his grip around (Name)'s wrist tightened considerably.  
"(Name)?" He whispered.  
"How long have we been surrounded by Titans???"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I hope this chapter was okay :) I don't know if you noticed, but (Name)'s horse is named Ariel, which is a cleaning solution ;)

**Author's Note:**

> And that was chapter 1... Let me know what you thought :D


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